Very funny. OK, this is not a biology lesson. A more complete title would be: What people, events, and experiences shaped the person I have now become? It's a little bit of my history, severely edited and filmed slightly out of focus, with soft lighting and vaseline on the camera lens.

There will be no opening of dungeons here. Wait for the book.

pre-school

I was born in Grande Prairie, Alberta on a very cold and snowy Boxing Day. We moved to southern Ontario in the early 1970s, and ended up in St. Catharines. I didn't have any brothers or sisters, but I did have the world's best dog, Beaver, who more than made up for it. He was followed by Susie, Monty, and Bertie. The photo on the right shows the Beav with 18-month-old me.

The photo below is of me at about 15 months. Life was good when you had blue sky, sunshine, a big dog watching your back, and snazzy clothing!

My parents, Jean and Derek, encouraged me to think for myself, to be curious, and to explore the world. They taught me to be self-reliant, respectful, and kind. And they instilled the importance of believing in myself. I could do anything I wanted to, regardless of what other people say. In fact, anything other people say or think about me has absolutely no power over me or my life. I love my parents dearly, and am amazed at how their efforts have helped me survive life on this planet, over and over and over again.

My parents did an excellent job raising me, but sometimes I think they did too good a job at protecting me from the big bad world. That made for some nasty 'wake up and smell the coffee' moments later on in life. At least I was well-prepared to handle those moments.

So I entered the world of organized education as a rather old-fashioned kid who was eager for opportunities to explore and learn, and not expecting much assistance from the teaching staff. Yes, I started out as a 5-year-old sceptic, much to the horror of educators throughout the Niagara Peninsula.

the school years

I was (and still am to a certain extent) a rather gifted student, although others have called me brilliant, frightening, or just plain evil. I had occasion to experience some of the educational system's experiments. Yes, I attended an "open-concept" grade school, and for one of those years, actually had my classes in a portable classroom (hmmm, seems to defeat the purpose, eh?) I blew the bell curve on province-wide standardized tests, and was the nemesis of sanctimonious principals and teachers everywhere.

I started school when there was no such thing as junior kindergarten. I was, shall we say, 'home schooled' before entering kindergarten. Dad especially enjoyed our weekend learning adventures. We went to museums, galleries, historic sites, parks, markets, exhibitions, and the occasional aquarium. Toronto's Ontario Science Centre, Royal Ontario Museum, and the McLaughlin Planetarium became the holy trinity of learning for me. My pre-school experiences showed me that learning was fun, and stirred this budding scientist into action. Looking back on it, I don't think my early grade teachers appreciated this explosive interest in learning.

But one thing darkened my academic record for all my school years - "lack of participation in class". Yes, I preferred to let the other kids participate in class, since I was getting tired of the "know-it-all" reputation and thought that those who needed extra help should be getting it. Besides, it was so much fun tormenting my teachers.

Here's an example of what I mean. My grade 7 homeroom teacher began taking me to task because I didn't show off my perfect marks, show any sense of accomplishment, or even acknowledge her announcing my marks to the rest of the class. When things were handed back to me, I would merely take a quick glance and shove it in my desk. After about three weeks of putting up with this on almost a daily basis, I finally let her have it. Exact words: "Ma'am, trumpeting my achievements isn't helping the other kids in this class who actually need your help. Why don't you try using their improvement to validate your self-worth instead of my hollow achievements?" Right after that, the whole class got a half-hour break in the library. Funny how that incident wasn't mentioned during the parent-teacher interviews the following week.

I attended a secondary school with a well-earned reputation for high academic standards. I flourished in the maths and sciences, as well as the music program. I graduated as an Ontario Scholar, with scholarship offers from every university except one. Guess where I went.

The University of Guelph specialized honours program in Molecular Biology and Genetics taught me everything I needed to know about academic life in the real world... especially that I just wasn't cut out for it. Just not cut-throat enough to do the dirty work. But I did receive my Bachelor of Science degree with honours, and that diploma sure looks great on my wall.

the working world

While at the University of Guelph, I volunteered at the Ontarion, the U of G student newspaper. Starting out as a volunteer proofreader, I went on to do manual paste-up, layout design, typesetting, editing, and writing... quite often, all at the same time. That was an intensely rewarding part of my life, resulting in my deepest and most treasured friendships.

In my last year of university, I worked part-time in a used record store, Second Wave. If any of you have seen the movie High Fidelity, let me say that the script had to be based on life at the Wave.

After graduation, I ran as far away from laboratories and research proposals as humanly possible, and worked in the retail fabric industry for two years. This gave me the chance to educate other people about things that are second nature to me. I love to help people, and am an excellent explainer/teacher who was able to inspire people to try something new. Many of my customers came back again and again, either with photos of what they did or wearing the new outfit that they made.

After my tolerance for 'responsibility without authority while getting paid minimum wage' was reached, I quit the fabric store and decided to do something different. I got married to the guy I started dating in my last year at university. A stranger wedding was not to be found anywhere... it changed many lives.

After returning from my honeymoon, I went to work for a printing company as an electronic pre-press designer. Yes, I drew business forms for a living - drawing all the lines in just the right spot, and typing in those millions of words of fine legalese backprint that nobody ever reads. After becoming a victim of corporate downsizing in 1994, I decided to start my own home-based desktop publishing company, Angular Momentum Graphics.

I was lucky, I suppose. My ex-boss asked me if I'd like to subcontract work for the 'fussy' customers of my former employer. It worked well for me, designing labels and newsletters at home. I was extremely busy while working within the trade, and never had need to advertise my services. Staff changes at my former employer led to friction and a mutual decision to not renew my contracts a few years later. I managed to keep on a few of my old customers, and find a few new ones, but I never did get the hang of shameless self-promotion.

The business was put on hold temporarily in 1997, when I was in a car crash. A delivery guy ran a stop sign in front of me, totalled my Jetta, and knocked both my husband and I about a fair bit. It took me three years to recover enough to go back to work, but I just wasn't the same afterwards. I lost my ability to visualize in my mind, which was one of my key design tools. I felt like I lost my competitive edge. This was not considered to be a loss by my insurance company, since most people can't do it, so they're convinced I'm as good as, if not better than I was pre-accident. Now, don't get me started on insurance companies.

Once I had recovered to a certain extent, I had to get back to doing something so we could eat as well as pay the rent. Naturally, I returned to retail fabric sales as a clerk. I'm in charge of the drapery and upholstery department, and a senior staff member. But that's not the only thing I'm up to now.

I am a 1/3 partner, associate editor, and graphic design person for the Guelph Fountain Pen, a local Internet-only news source for this region of Ontario. I edit, design, research, and write items on a daily basis. It's fun, even though it doesn't pay anything yet. And, of course, Angular is still up and running.

Copyright © 2002 by Barbara Anne Richardson. All rights reserved. Send comments here.